Managing a small business, home life and personal well being.
Stress seems to be a constant battle. I know I need to let it go. Even though I try to manage stress through exercise, play and socializing I still manage to feel stressed out. I think a lot of it comes from my personality of just going with the flow a little too much. It is difficult to run a business by only going with the flow and flying by the seat of my pants because there needs to be structure.
I have a love-hate relationship with structure. I strive on it and I become bored. I don't like the daily grind. It's mind numbing. But when I have a plan laid before me and am told I must execute x, y, and z... I do it. Where do I find the balance of structure and freedom?
I have yet to discover this perfect balance, but I believe I am getting closer. The adventure of starting and managing my own small business that requires dedication, structure and timeliness is where the answer lies, or so I believe. I know I can do it. I am doing it. But I must find the balance of planning and playing and going with the flow.
In order to avoid structure I tend to involve myself in a thousand different activities including running, teaching, painting, drawing, hiking, working at a brewery, spending time with friends, traveling, playing music and other random things I can't think of right now. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and wonder why the fuck I would want to run 10 miles in one day, teach for 2 hours, paint a painting, work a shift at the brewery and then go out for drinks with friends while also knowing I have to wake up early the next day to run some more. Then I remember the steady routine of going to work at 8 am coming home at 5pm, watching TV until I was bored, going to sleep and repeating it all over again 5 days a week.
For some the routine is grounding and is a safe space. For me it is boring, anxiety filled and brings about thoughts of is this how my life is going to be forever? I don't want that life. So I've decided to create my own path, pave it with the things I want and to not give a fuck about what the socially acceptable way of growing up is. I don't ever want to grow up if that means I'm doing the same damn thing all day long for the rest of my days. Nope.
So for now... I will work to manage my life, reduce my stress, find balance and create a path that is designed by me, followed by me and open for others to join in too.